Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
