Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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