remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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