Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
