I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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