420 ftw
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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