i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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