Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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