I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
