Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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