i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
