I skipped work to stalk him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
