I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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