i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
