Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
