you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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