You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize