I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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