nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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