When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
