Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
