I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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