A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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