I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
4 words: hood of his car
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
