I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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