Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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