oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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