Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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