Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
