Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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