Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
