i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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