Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
