is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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