I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize