I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
