i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
