He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
