I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
