That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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