She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize