paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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