i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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