I could make wine with my vomit
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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