no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
