What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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