bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
