dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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