so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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