so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
