The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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