Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
