im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
