some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry about my life...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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