its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
