1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
