is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
