also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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