I didn't shave. On purpose
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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