I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
