My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
