i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
