I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
