i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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