This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize