Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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