The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
