So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
