My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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