I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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