Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
