We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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