She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pants are for mortals
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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