I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
