I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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