a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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