i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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