Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
