i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
