you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
