I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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