He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Im part way to drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
