Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
