It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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