Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i barfeds in our rink
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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