Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize