i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
