the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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