I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
