she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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