u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
