Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize