walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
