There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
