I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
