Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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