Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
